Unproductive

Ugh. Without going into detail, my world titled off its axis this week and I'm helpless to stop it. If I was the type to pop a pill, I probably would have already. Oh, stop it. I'm not advocating drug use and you know it. You only have to look at me to know that I don't have any vice at all. Proof? It's the extra pounds I carry and can never get rid of. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. But during times like now I wish I did. I'd love a few moments of blessed ignorance or escape.

Professional and personal events in my life have wreaked havoc with my productivity. There I was, writing along, finishing Anton's story (remember him from For One Night Only?) when bam! I was blindsided by a totally unexpected event. And no, I can't divulge it at the moment because it's just not for public consumption. Suffice it to say, I haven't been able to write a damn thing. It doesn't take a lot to derail me, unfortunately, and that's the thing that I really would love to change. But we are who we are, and just like you, I try to do my best. I will bounce back. The bad thing is I haven't yet. But soon.

As for the personal side, my daughter is going through what I believe are growing pains. She's sixteen and a terrific kid. Smart, responsible, trustworthy. She's got a 4.3 GPA in school and handles club softball and honors classes with such aplomb that I really admire her.

As a parent, you want to help your children out every way you can and spare them hurt, pain, rejection and everything else. In short, you want to give them the world and take care of them forever. I'm one of those. But now, I'm learning to let my daughter grow up. Her self-confidence has been a little shaky lately and I'm hurting, folks. I just want to take her in my arms and comfort her. But a part of me is holding me back. She's got to grow up. It's time. I had a serious talk with her and told her that the only person who can help her is herself. She's got to pull herself up by her boot straps and hunker down. Get tough and grow up. It's a lesson for her and quite honestly, I think it's a lesson for me, too. I've got to give her room to work things out on her own. Remember, that which doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger.

These past fews days, I've been walking around tense and grumpy. Every little thing irritated the hell out of me. I found myself wishing that life was easier, that I didn't have all these concerns that stressed me out. That's a big, fat fantasy. I have to deal with it. No escape. No avoiding it. I've had to grow up, too, believe it or not. Now, I just take it one day at a time. My grandma used to say "Sleep on it, child. Things always look better when you wake up in the morning."

She was a wise woman.